I am not supposed to post anything.

i think all humans at first, set out to become the greatest person to have lived. we target the materialistic things and then the not-so tangible things. but then after all is experienced, somehow relationships become the most important asset in our evaluation.

how we behave, how we see others, how others see us, what we really feel about something, gaining respect, making decisions, caring for the minority, caring for the majority, the acts of nobleness, the acts of ignobility, the joyous assumptions, the daunting deceits, the child-like innocence, the maturity of mammoths,

and so much more..


i'm starting to feel the essence of living. you should too.. =)

a post to random

We meet people eh.. in our journey. So back then i met this person. And it is the rest's history. i can't believe she has such an impact on me. Sometimes i sit there and wonder whether its healthy to have somebody else hold such influence on an individual. But of course no matter what conclusion i come to, i am still tremendously indebted to her.

It probably isn't love. Its an opinion i value greatly, just like we all worry about how others look at us. She would be like a mentor when i face problems, telling me exactly what the truth is. She would be the best friend in companionship, spending time together and being foolish. She would seek opinions and value them, giving me presence of my importance. She would be standing right behind no matter what bizarre decisions i try to make, knowing i am not alone. She has become everpresent in my life. How she looks at me, has become very very important. What she says are words of wisdom. Her presence is compulsory.


I cannot just say what exactly she is to me. She may not be physically here all the time, maybe once in a while. But it is like a man-made rope that binds us together.


And it is not healthy. haha.
it's kinda sick.

gong xi fa cai!!

gong xi fa cai ah gong xi fa cai



hehe the CHINESE new year spirit is finally gettin to me, which is pretty late i know.. it was never there when we did the round-robin house visits nor was it there when the fish-grow were flipped and tossed.. but its finally here. when everybody else is past it. bugs.

and i think i'm also finally gettin sick of curry. hahaha. yes curry, sick of it. speaking curry, our family eats curry once in a while, actually we have it pretty frequent. and my dad is forever digging out the little sediments of fish for me and my brother. which is making me feel guilty. and its a strange emotion to have..


i'm pretty much settled on the idea of stocks and NZ. its very nice. really.. just thinkin of it is making me smile wide like a panda. but pandas rarely smile eh..

oh welllllllll





cya. =) btw, Happey Valentines Day!

Hey HEY!!

Happy New Year!!




yikes. i'm just talkin to myself. this is a dilapidated little page on the bombbig web.

im supposed to spend some time doing up this page I KNOWWWW... it just slipped off my mind lah. besides, i didnt even update with entries... you seriously think i will do up the page. must be nuts.

anyway, the new year's come and is slowly goin again. well, people met one another again for the sake of traditions. darn... every year i enter this period with nothing in my mind and come out of it with a million questions. and shit... my biggest fear of them allll (its still lingering up thr in my mind actually) is SERIOUSLY materialising. which i am getting suspicious contributes to my longing for NZ a lot more than i thought. and my life. ive been doin pretty much TONS of thought on that subject matter. and i still only have a tiny idea of how my life should pan out.


I AM GOING TO NEW ZEALAND WHEN I'M 40 YO.

i am goin there with my fortune made.
i am going to marry the love of my life. (the grey)
i am going to do absolutely nothing there.
i will start to enjoy my presence alive.
i will start to appreciate the very wonders all around us.
I will BE in heaven.


we always hear about love,

knowing no boundaries
sacrificial & above all else
keeping us alive


you know i firmly believe in that. call me whatever you want. which is why i dont subscribe to the ideas of forbidden love. there IS forbidden love, which is STILL love; that is forbidden. thats why its called forbidden LOVE. you know in life, there are alot of things that you cannot control because its been there ever since your great great great great ancestors were even born. there are rules that somehow evolved into norms people are expected to abide to. i'm not goin to spell it out. it actually even takes courage to merely mention these days. if it results in no children so be it. if we can spend the rest of our lives together blissfully with well-wishes of those closely loved, heck i would give up years if i need to!

(i know a certain teng has a thousand names to call me by now and a million stuff to shoot haha!)

life is you know... indeed a journey. what kind of journey we decide. i know what i want. and i intend not to let anybody else interfere with it.














p.s. HAHA i got feedback i'm actually suggesting im gay in this entry. you know in my supposed enlightened thinking i should be simply allowing it to happen and yet not get to me.. BUT HOR i just want to like... say abit lah... that IM NOT FREAKIN GAY. NO IM NOT TALKING HOMOSEXUALITY. ahem.