darn... mum's in hospital for minor stroke and shes staying thr for 5days. nothing's wrong jus staying for observation i was told. hell week continues.

at the hospital saw eric and he told me pp's grandma's in hospital too and on the same level as my mum. yea so we popped by to say Hi for abt a min or two.

was considering abt goin to HK wif eric but looks like thrs no way i can make it. besides, the girls would be in HK for maybe at most a day or two that coincides with my stay thr. so its not very tempting.

ARGHh... so many things happen in so little time. i tot the week would be pretty much float around disillusioned and missing a certain somebody. looks like its getting worse. coupled with all the shit stuff thats happening... my longing's getting worse. faster come back. broarr... i shudnt even be feelin this way. this sucks. bcos its pretty much unrequited.


anyways the song's halfway through. had no time these two days. give me a few more days' grace.

draft2 (halfdone melody)

OS: 我真的会祝福你 只要你开心 我什么都可以

爱情来了 没有对跟错
两个人相爱 真的不用管这么多

如果还有别人喜欢你
和他说声对不起
就这样 开始你们的回忆


一定一定要告诉我
你们之间的秘密
没有什么好可惜
再拖就成了悲剧

一定一定会喜欢你
这是爱情的游戏
虽然没你很可惜
至少还有我自己

千万不要 不要觉得对不起
我从来 都不是一个介入的工具

过去发生的难题 统统抛到脑后去
顿时发现笨自己 现在才懂得珍惜

一定一定要告诉我
你们之间的秘密
没有什么好可惜
再拖就成了悲剧

一定一定会喜欢你
这是爱情的游戏
虽然没你很可惜
至少还有我自己

一定一定会爱着你
控制不了的情绪
但已不会再犹豫
可能存在的心灵

我真的不是故意 耽误你们的爱意

01) What is ur phone type? samsung i-dunno-wad-model

02) What's the last 3 digits of your mobile number? 296

03) What does the 2nd message in your inbox say? Wahaha i tot u miss baolianjie... blabla

04) Who's the first person who comes up under the letter M? Mcdonald's Delivery

05) Who's the last person you rang? laoda CXian

06) Who was your last missed call from? elynn

07) Who's the 2nd person who comes up under D? dabomu

08) What does the last message in your inbox say? Yeh in my dreams

09) Who's the 3rd person who comes up under J? Jasmine

10) Go to your Sent Items ..what does the 5th msg say? bon voyage and blabla

11) Who's the 4th person who comes up under S? Saleem

12) What your network provider? singtel

13) How many messages are currently in your inbox? 37

14) What do you have as your background? i cant figure out either. the pic jus happened to be in the phone and it looks good.

15) Who's the 2nd person who comes up under R? Roy

16) Who do you have on speed dial 3? wtf

17) If you're on Pay as you Go, how much credit do you have? obviously i am not.

18) Who's the first person who comes up under C? ceresah

19) How many bars of signal do you currently have? 6

20) What do you have as your main ringtone? some samsung shit

draft1

爱情来了 没有对跟错
两个人相爱 真的不用管这么多

如果还有别人喜欢你 和他说声对不起
就这样 开始你们的回忆

我真的会祝福你 只要你开心 我什么都可以


一定一定要告诉我
你们之间的秘密
没有什么好可惜
再拖就成了悲剧

一定一定会喜欢你
这是爱情的游戏
虽然没你很可惜
至少还有我自己


千万不要 不要觉得对不起
我从来都不是一个介入的工具

过去发生的难题 统统抛到脑后去
顿时发现笨自己 现在才懂得珍惜

一定一定要告诉我
你们之间的秘密
没有什么好可惜
再拖就成了悲剧

一定一定会喜欢你
这是爱情的游戏
虽然没你很可惜
至少还有我自己

一定一定会爱着你
控制不了的情绪
但已不会再犹豫
可能存在的心灵

我真的不是故意 耽误你们的爱意

i'll miss you

























like crazy

i think that entry lasted like afew hours. but who cares.

i think i need a rest. i am very tired. probly cant take it anymore.
i have no idea wads goin on. i cant find out either.
everything's so weird its incomprehensible.
i dun noe why boundaries have to be set up.
i dun noe why things need to be done this way.
still its not a change of heart. no way thats possible.
although it probly is something good for me.

but im jus tired. sick-of-it tired.
















lucky im goin out like right now.

idolisation is like a very imaginary situation to be in. u noe ... u'll get lost. u'll start dreamin a bit... worse to worse u get sucked in. but it is still an imaginary world. so the only thing u have to do... is to bring yourself back to earth through your life. and your life consists of your friends, your family, your neighbour, your enemy, your teacher...


simple, ain't it?
gettin lost in idols... not a big deal. =)


___________________________________________________________________

weyhey... today sortof sucked.

first i got stood up after waiting like 3hrs. THIS SUCKS.

then i saw cheryl and somehow she had the time to entertain me. seriously... she either was doin some stupid walk-around-town-for-fun stunt or she got ditched. anyway she accompanied me after i told her i got stood up ^up^^^^there^ yea... for 3hrs. still... both of us were feelin down for some reason (yea thats why i said she probly got ditched) and started gettin dulan about almost everything. yea so this part sucked too.

met up with jj for dinner so cheryl shooed off... i think she cont'd her stupid stunt bcos i saw her afterwards at the movies. anyway... jj dinner. saw victor joe. lol. and the food sucked. and the auntie sellin the food sucked too. and the walking back to taka sucked even more. Weyhey saw jasmin on e way back to taka so it reduced the suck factor a bit. and then back at taka Gramophone didnt suck too much either. but overall this part sucked abit too.

yea and then the movie part. met up at tcc which didnt haf a bloody toilet and i was almost bursting into pee (u noe how pple burst into tears means he/she is crying). yeps so tcc. and then movie. and the movie sortof sucked that it didnt scare pple as much as it should. its another of those cheap scare comedy fark show. and then supper sucked too. whr the hell is the nightlife at LPS. its like heh? why only satay? so this part sucked abit other than the company.

so the day sucked.


and the Mr.Bean teddy stayed in my pocket the whole night. so that sucked too. a lot.

did you know i hate drinkers...









who whine and regret only after doing something they dont want to while they were drunk



probly not. pple really do underestimate the consequences of drinking.

u know at times when u simply cannot find a way through things you seemed lost? but the fact that you are finding your way through it means u are already on your way out of this misery, so you are on the right path. always said that avoiding it ain't going to change things, so why not face it? people all do get depressed and lost at times, think of the path you want to take and you wil invariably see the oasis you've been longing for. Easily said huh... u need a companion to see you through tough times, not just on your own. and when ur usual person is not around to tide you through, how easy is it to stand strong? yea find someone else... ofcos you do have more than just one true friend rite? but how easy is it to strike up the understanding you already have.... and how easy it to bring urself to narrate everything thats been torturing yourself all this while.

Life's beautiful... really. you've just got to believe. and let go.












this is for you:

hey hey... how have you been? haha i noe its like retarded since we jus toked like an hour ago. did i ever say how much i appreciate your presence around me when im in the deepest of downs (lol deepest of downs) and doing all you can to try bringing me up. did i say i enjoyed listening to you and your big big theories while seeing you behave in a total contradicting manner. you've been so supportive and cute i dun know wad i've done to deserve you.

HAHA. stop laughing to yourself i noe u are. youve got that beautiful smile and everlasting giggle thats goin to touch so many hearts throughout your life. and behind that smile is this sensible, passionate, deep-thinking, emotional, dedicated, funloving ........... personality i know is the envy of millions.

Thanks ginger! and stop laughing....

haha eh now the fun part, i tell you i think u shud jus keep hanging out with him. its not as if u dun like him lor.... think abt so much for wad, like you dun wanna be with him lidat. i tell you when he starts thinking you are nothing but a clever and smart bitch ... HAHAHA den start crying. u noe i have tons of big big theories waiting. i noe this post is like absolutely redundant and ambiguous. whatever lah...

it is called a CB feeling and it does not feel good. can it ever go away

i think i thrive on doing last min work. the irony is that i quite hate it when i do that. the next irony is i do it all the time. so it boils down to discipline. and it dates all the way back to the olevels. yea very sad. exams are like shitty. i dun see the need for it, probably not to every student, other than those kind... who craves recognition so badly and lala.

things are clearing up! im a brooder! i hope things do clear up. at least ive been acting like it is. and ginger left like super soon. darn. and mummy's not feeling good either. darn darn. nobody bothered to do the stupid quiz too. darn darn darn.


HAA.


i'm giving you a second chance to blog the quiz. it's here... LOL i am so retarded.

3 schools i went to: AiTong, Victoria and Simply Pathetic
3 things in my bag: halo... i dun haf a bag.
3 things i do when i'm stressed: sing, sleep, blog
3 places i go on a daily basis: Msn, my Phone, master door
3 favourite fruits: MANGO watermelon Pear
3 names i go by: xuan, tau suan, Son
3 of my favourite food: Curry, Eggs, Mentos
3 things i m wearing now: shirt pants frown
who is in the house with me? : ehhh dad mum bro? wth... maybe im too boring to understand the qns
who am i thinking of now? : BAH. i shud be thinking of study.
who did i last talk to on the phone? : GINGER!
who did i sit with during 5th period in class? : DEY... im never in class.
who was the last person i uttered love to? : ehhh.... technically Ginger
who gets on my nerves in school? : the school
where is my phone: right here waiting
where do i sleep? : i have a home... believe me.
where is the last place i took a ride to? : just now to j8
what was the last thing i ate? : watermelonn Yellow ones
what colour shirt am i wearing now? : blue
what is the closest thing to me that is blue? : lol... i guess it cant get anything closer than my shirt.
what do i like most about school? : the people
what is my favourite colour? : black, white, dark blue, beige or whatever our skin's colour is
what do i wear more often jeans or shorts? : shorts
what was the last movie i watched? : heh? i cant rmb was it click or lungwhomen. lol.
when did i start school? : hell... i dun wanna rmb.
when did i last go to the mall? : today
when did i last burn something?: last chalet when i burned my hands
3 bloggers to do this: HELL. all of you reading this. you have a blog you do this!

Ginger's back!! things are going to turn out alright again rite... it will everytime she comes back. Just don leave again before my exams end. we have to meet!



i think i shud be going to my books now. notice i don use going BACK to my books. the paper's tmr... DARN









blogstuff:

3 schools i went to: AiTong, Victoria and Simply Pathetic

3 things in my bag: halo... i dun haf a bag.

3 things i do when i'm stressed: sing, sleep, blog

3 places i go on a daily basis: Msn, my Phone, master door

3 favourite fruits: MANGO watermelon Pear

3 names i go by: xuan, tau suan, Son

3 of my favourite food: Curry, Eggs, Mentos

3 things i m wearing now: shirt pants frown

who is in the house with me? : ehhh dad mum bro? wth... maybe im too boring to understand the qns

who am i thinking of now? : BAH. i shud be thinking of study.

who did i last talk to on the phone? : GINGER!

who did i sit with during 5th period in class? : DEY... im never in class.

who was the last person i uttered love to? : ehhh.... technically Ginger

who gets on my nerves in school? : the school

where is my phone: right here waiting

where do i sleep? : i have a home... believe me.

where is the last place i took a ride to? : just now to j8

what was the last thing i ate? : watermelonn Yellow ones

what colour shirt am i wearing now? : blue

what is the closest thing to me that is blue? : lol... i guess it cant get anything closer than my shirt.

what do i like most about school? : the people

what is my favourite colour? : black, white, dark blue, beige or whatever our skin's colour is

what do i wear more often jeans or shorts? : shorts

what was the last movie i watched? : heh? i cant rmb was it click or lungwhomen. lol.

when did i start school? : hell... i dun wanna rmb.

when did i last go to the mall? : today

when did i last burn something?: last chalet when i burned my hands

3 bloggers to do this: HELL. all of you reading this. you have a blog you do this!

have you ever said it aloud... i hate myself with conviction and belief




i just did.

i dunno if it matters to you.. i jus want to say something up here.

i know ive been rather emotional and complicated these couple of days. u know its just the eruption of whats been lying inside all these while. i had no idea wad implications it would bring about or to what effect it will have on you. i have always been a person of vagueness and undecisiveness when affairs of the heart are involved, and i hate it when im like that. i dun noe how everything is going to pan out or what is goin through your mind after all of my probably, Irresponsible outbursts. Kinda regret doing all the shit ive done. But as you probably know(i hope), i haf rather deep feelings for you which cannot be displaced quite as easy as people think. i haf no idea wads going to happen to me or to you or to any other who could be involved, but i truthfully wish that you would not be affected by my own... wrongdoings. Pls dun upset yourself or brood over what definitely is not worth doing those for. Just go back to yourself and be the smiley face i really really hope to see. A real smile from the bottom of your heart. please...





























i love ya.

even running back to you dosen help now














love's devastating..

hey baby.. its no secret to you that i'm one of few words. i cannot simply tell you what i want to say without jotting it down. So here i am (again) at your blog and you decide if it is appropriate to put it out; im saving it as draft.

Time just streams by. And people come and go. And sometimes they stay around for some time, and sometimes they leave, and sometimes they stick around forever. And sometimes time gushes like water from a dam, and there were laughter and booze, and pajama parties and surprises. And it also trickles like a spoilt tap, and there were unkind words and tears and periods of remission. But in no point of time should we ever remain in that dark dark period. I know what you are thinking, ya i'm too sentimental for my own good. But i still think love is everything. When there is love, there is hope.

The answer is somewhat depressing, and you should be counting your blessings. You should be grateful for all the attention from above and here. You should be working hard and count the chicks when they do hatch. You should be doing alot of things that you may not feel like doing but absolutely have to. You shouldn't be "basking" in your unwillingness to face the music. You probably ought to be less devoted to your love.

But then again, how many things happened in reality today? How many hearts were truly broken? and how much tears freely flowed? Too many. I have no idea why she let it happen, i am in no right to comment either. Baby it hurts seeing you like this, as much as the hurt you go through seeing her like how she is.

You are the perfect man, no doubt. This is the first time i see you in such a horrendous state, giving all and your pumping organ. I can't bear to see the blood dripping when your chest is slit open. As difficult as it is, life goes on. You made me a better person, i want to make you one too.

She probably is an angel, else there is no other way your delicate tears would have fallen. I would very much like to meet her, to witness what a phenomenon she actually is. But till then, be strong baby.


One Art

The art of losing isn't hard to master; so many things seem filled with the intent to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster of lost door keys, the hour badly spent. The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster: places, and names, and where it was you meant to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or next-to-last, of three loved houses went. The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster, some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent. I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident the art of losing's not too hard to master though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

-Elizabeth Bishop





i suppose u know who i am, don't you?

Xuan: yea i noe who u r... i read this the same way everybody did. u published it lar... nt draft. stupid...

i missed WGB's gig!!!! shitty shit...



emotions are good.
being emotional isn't.
so the next best thing is to stop thinking and head off for cooling down.

u need emotions for music.
music IS emotional.
so the next best thing is to bask in that shallow fulfilment.

again emotions are good.
emotionally overwhelmed.
so the next worst thing is how do i live without you.

bahh.


___________________________________________________

okay next up. hahahaha. i copied my fren's fark blog's fark entry. like wtf. reallie farkin farnie. dat ass.... i hope he dosen mind me koping that entry. but hey i acknowledged its frm HIS blog wad. yea if he wants a link placed here then tell me. but thats nt the point. the point is it is so damn farked up farnie. oh yea... i noe the 1st part was so freakin emo and tis part jus seems out of place. both were written on diff days anyway. i jus wan to add on and not haf one entry dedicated to that farked up farnie blog's farked up farnie entry.

here it is...

Saturday, August 05, 2006

ULTIMATE SKILL
ooooh...jus finish watchin superband...quite a boring finale. The best performance tonite i tink is J3 jazz version of xiao wei, it realli farkin good man. Anyway, i'm not goin to talk abt superband competition in tis entry as u can see in my title, i'm goin to talk abt a ultimate skill aka 蓋世武功 that i have recently mastered after yrs of training.

The ultimate skill is called LIVING IN YOUR OWN WORLD aka LIYOW. This set of skill has actualli nine levels, with increase of each level means that u are getting better in living in your own world. And recently, i have reach the ninth level aka 九重天 of the skill. this is a very profound skill and not many ppl are suitable to learn, they may go bersek aka 走火入魔. i have practise the skill since primary 3 and only after 10 years of endless practise i can attain the ninth level of LIYOW.

i only discovered that i've reached the last level of LIYOW ytd becos of one incident. So the story goes, i went to SP stadium to meet koon cos we are goin to eat sakae sushi later wif xy and eunice and he was dere to give support to his girlfrens. and so i reach dere, called him, den he told me where he is, so i went to look for him. Then, i saw where he is and then the only thing in my mind is to go to where he is standing. So i walk and walk, when i'm near him, he suddenly scold me for being dao. of cos, i was like WTF. And then i tink he pointed to a direction, and dere, only ard 2 meters away frm him was a grp of gals frm my class. Apparently, they have called out my name as i was walkin nearer, but i dint bother abt them, dats why koon scold me for being dao. But in fact, i dint hear aniting, i was onli concentrating on walking to where koon was. And dada, i have finally attained the final level of LIYOW. Cool man.

So if u r interested in LIYOW, pls call my hotline, u noe wads my number, and then i will evaluate to see if u are suitable for the skill be4 u start practising the skill. I wonder what the world will be like if everyone mastered the skills?

i've had the weirdest of dreams last night. hahaha.

first i dream of me chatting with Harry Kewell while jogging into a stadium to lineup before a match. and we were haolianing about our "little baloon tube" that writes when we made our debuts for our club (so apparently we were in the same club). mine was against some european club starting B. i cant rmb what it was. i think it was Benfica. hahahahahaha. and we were lining up against England. farnie. so kewell and i were shaking hands with gerard and beckham. hahaha. so darn lame.

and then the next part of the dream had me chasing qiuling around this rather huge sp campus. YEA before jumping... it is literally chasing. i think we were at this lab and then she walked out to this water cooler and i somehow switched her into sunyanzi. wahahah. and she left the floor. so i started chasing after her. then chase chase chase i saw joanne at a balcony. asked her for directions and continued chasing. and when i reached the big space in front of the cafe and convention centre in SP, there was this igloo like structure that some "officials: were standing by. then i cont chasing past the IGLOO and poof!

it became another scene. i am in front of a screen and somehow im at sunyanzi's blog that ive nvr seen before. and there are like 2 blogs. add was like #####.#####.com and #####2.#####.com
yea and i was alternating between the chasing scene and this scene so i kept wanting to read wads on the blog but end up running around until the igloo part where the chasing scene went totally off. and i saw pictures but cant make out wad they were on the blogs. and when i was aboutto read........... yea correct. POOF.

i woke up. lol

blog bloggy blogged blogging.

HA. made it through!! but all the details have yet to be ironed out and things aren't looking good. bah might as well. i'll probably crack up lookin at so many people. but still ... wheeeee!!

ahaha. i think stef is my favourite person at the moment. shes like some fairy who occassionally flies down to me and gives me lots and lots of magic. ginger u rock la!

so am i goin to juggle desire and commitment together... or am i goin to give up one for the other. but of course i have to go for commitment aint it? ill probably give up commitment altogether if i try doing both. cheerios


yea its dwindling by the day. but still thr's a tingling right there in the middle of it. can't help it.