So why do people fall in love? I never quite understand that. i mean there are so so many pitfalls that it just dosen make financial or economic or common or ANY sense to even start one. but still people do it. So i guess we were all born with a certain sadism. Just not long ago i was pretty caught up with raving about her.. rather assiduously. And things just simply changed with a snap of the finger. i knew there was a storm coming.. but never would i have expected it to be in such manner. let alone foresee I would be the one cooking it up.


how many times do i have to say sorry? i've said it like a million times in my life so far.. i want to stop sayin it. And yet you have to be so forgiving, and magnanimous to my bullshit it simply adds on to my guilt. i hate it that way. and i get confused. sometimes i feel it really is love keeping me in it. then some other times i think its just guilt. i hate it that way too. and im sure you don't like it either, nobody will.


the other her asked me what is it that we like about each other. i know what you like about me. but the moment i think of you, there is only guilt. i would rather save these for some other female, not you. Yes it is corny. everybody would say this excuse sucks. but people came up with this because it happened. and is happening to us. i should probably selfishly find another girl to channel all these misdeeds. right. easier said than done. this way i can drown myself with enough guilt to retire as a monk pretty soon.


enough. i know you read this page often. probably the only person who reads this page. i will have to tell you in person sooner or later. but ya.. i still love you.

___

i read a book recently and was deeply disturbed by it. Not by its theme, it was all but creativity meant to capture the attention of book readers. It was the everflowing of evil throughout the stories, the imagination of the author responsible for them. What human would have wanted such subtle eveil to surface? And the sheer thought that such capabilities rest within every single individual sent shivers down my fuckin spine.

I am fuckin' emo now




bcos i just woke up
bcos i am bookin in later
bcos i am attached
bcos i know things
bcos i'm not supposed to know
bcos a storm is coming


ok it feels better now rather than have all the uncertainties jumbled up.

I absolutely adore her

There are things so complicated you can explain with the theory so simplistic it goes "you dont want your life, others still want theirs" It explains selfishness, selflessness, sacrifices, forgiveness and so much more.


And it hurts the most. too.






i fuckin hate this song

hey yo...

its 3 hrs to book in time and im writing this real fast.

i just wanted to write something somewhere. i got to realise just how lucky i am.

i have my parents and my brother who are there and two years later will be there and 20 years later will still be there. haha. and i have my friends. the friends who you know will be there 20 years later too. and i have a girl who has the most infinite patience in the world. and she loves me. so im a lucky person. i mean seriously... you cant understand how lucky i am feeling right now.

and i start to really ponder whether anot i want everything that badly bcos everytime you pursue something really badly, you end up feeling empty after u get it. you dont really need it after all.

AND I REALLY DONT WANT NS. that one i know for sure.

ha. vroom. im off.

you know i had tons i wanted to scribble in here because no one comes already anyway... but i lost all thoughts on the way. HA HA HA

4mths into ns and everything starts to settle into place. lifestyle changes and all the adjustments needed has been done. Sure once in a while i still get the i-want-to-get-out-and-do-my-life-MY-WAY impluses... but yea, this what every guy goes through in singapore what... sometimes i just wonder whats it like out there where the others are already working and rubbing shoulders the corporate way, are they also adapting well enough? or i suppose the adjustments are almost neverending... Just how many people get to do what they want in the materialistic society called singapore? i dont mean shake-leg-drink-icetea kinda life... everybody simply just fits into the broad system of the society and start slogging and shaping their lives the way everybody does in here eh... so its still kinda regimental in the not-so-obvious way... Like say... Money? the root of all evil. probably when money's not only not an issue, its meaning entirely vanished, that everything else (the corporate ladder, jobs, cultures, so-called positive & -ve values etc) will start to dissipitate as well. but then again... thats rather idealistic.



what if there's a place where people realise their own personal missions everyday single day when they wake up, and not nearing the end when they're inches away from their deathbeds that their own in-bred objectives finally dawn upon them?

TWO MONTHSSSSSSS?!?!?!?!?!?!


since the last post. i think its the longest ever... because got nothing to update what!

but then since ive got this uber l0000ng weekend i went to catch up on some of the blogs and realised n0thing much is up there either, other than hyperactive eric's. HAHAHA wah the world revolves around me eh... i stop everybody else stops! (Eric's from another galaxy so he dosent count).

hahhhhh.... so how's everyone doing?


SHIT. i just realsied like since i haven touched this blog for this long, wouldnt there be nobody left who regularly checks for updates? SO I WRITE FOR WHAT?!


nevermind lahh... just write only.

i tell you... two months into army and it really is taking its toll already. i know two months is only just TWO freaking MONTHS. but trust me, time crawls slower than a tortoise and snail combined inside. i feel like ive been in that shithole for like at least half a year already. Anyway, i said its takin its toll. its not so much about the training and stuff, that part can be enjoyable. why its hard to get by is that u freakin have no idea why ur spending almost 90% of your time inside doing countless tasks and seemingly having a schedule so packed its bigger than Big Mac. BECAUSE i really have no idea what i had been doing for the past two months. and i really do not like the prospect of doing this for two straight years. sometimes we dont realise how precious time actually is. yes we acknowledge that time is precious most of the time, then fullstop. but i realise(sortof!) now just how important it is to know what you are doing with your time!

Two years, so strategically placed at a time where steps u take would make or break your entire life. Army came at a time when i havent yet decided whether music can feed me for the rest of my life (or at least until i find a rich enough chiobu to powder my face white). Then now i risk ending up somewhere where i have no time even to choose where to take a dump, let alone having anything to do with err... whats the name... , music?



Ohh GODDDDD!! Can a voice just freakin tell me what to do?! like err... let's see Xuan Almighty??!!

great... now where are the wise people i successfully rid of(rather very stupidly) from my life?

Booking out made everything seem slower, and boring.

Come to think of it, it was boring even before enlistment.



Ultimate Random.

Well... There wasn't a lot of time for maneuver but people have been informed and i got to do things that i wanted to do so all is cool.

Going in would probably take up loads of my time, most of it in fact. So that leaves me with no space to pursue anything other than ORD. I wonder how much of it i would be reminiscing after the two years, when i embrace the fact that ive served the obligation im supposed to. yaaa... its kinda funny when u see that you are feeling excited about something because you have already submitted to capitulation. Still... all is cool.

I would really like to have a chance. Not to explain my mistakes, not to defend myself. I would DIE to have the chance to at least be scolded at, and even be slapped and kicked and tortured. But i probably would not be getting that chance, and even less in the future since im goin in and staying there for the next two years. You know, i hope you are reading this. i will not even ask for forgiveness.. just talk to me, will you? Just very simply talk to me...

others say they feel pretty sad for me that it has gotten to this. but no... its not even close to being sad for me. To be such a total stranger to you and your life is devastating to me. i dont want to be a stranger. im not used to being a stranger. and i hope you wont as well.

FLYYYYY


You know i would really like to fly off on my wings one day and never come back... its like fleeing. No no... I WANT A DRAGON. Flying on my own would probably be so damn tiring. But still, the idea's to flee FLEE flee.

And give me a magic wand. ABRAKADEBRA. Everything turns out the way i want it to. HAHAHA... that would be nice. and funny. Not everybody will find it funny. It probably takes alot of humour to find it funny...

Well... i had a dream last night. i didn't want to dream of that person. But if u get me my dragon and my wand... I'll make it real.

OK. my blog is probably so popular that everybody reads it. even those at cmpb. because the very next day after i posted the last post i got a call from them. yes. the blog is bloody widespread can. BUT HOR nobody tags. actually the board is so LOK-KOK most people cant tag on it... me too.

anyways

So when i got the call i was freakin excited. u know the prospect of cutting short a 6month abandonment to just one week is ultimately way too cool. but then an hour later everything just sets in and I WAS FREAKIN SAD. ha.

i have to meet every single friend in one week before what i expect to be two freakin basket years when u'll probably have all your friends move down two notches in terms of acquaintanceship. Somebody save me...


BUT NO. STOP. if ur from cmpb. DO NOT POSTPONE ME AGAIN. PLS.

OK... lets do this quick before the labtop dies on me again.


Can someone pls tell me what to do with myself for the next 6 months? No, not work. Out.
Bcos i simply have no idea why i need to be thinking about what to do when all the others just sit and wait for the military guys to usher them into camp! SOMEBODY... cmpb... HALO...


Anyways, watched Pirates and Jack was missing! He wasnt there for a good portion of the show so... its saving grace became Keira Knightley. freakin hot for a tomboy...

So ive been doin quite simply nothing for the past three weeks. Went on Boliao night trips FOUR freakin times. Watched a dozen movies. Went on live bands hunt. Effectively turned the bio clock upside down.

I'm going to do the current thing on trish's blog one of these days. All the Dear @ ....
That is when i get my hands on a working piece of metal crap.

First up...

Graduation is gone, and i didnt make it. Well i didn't want to make it. But somehow there was this mysterious force nudging me to go as it drew closer. But then, i still didnt make it. So if i dont go up on stage then i might as well not go to school at all. In the end it all proved to be a BIG mistake, that im getting emo bouts once in a while now.


Next up...

This is a black black may. It really is. It didnt happen to me directly, but still there were pangs of sadness when news broke one by one. It really goes out to Eric. But knowing him well enough, he's more than capable of getting this out of the system. in truth, condolences should be for the loved ones. well...


Finally...

There was this person in my life once, and for a very long time. But now that she's gone, i hope every single thing goes well for her. Seriously, i dont want her to be gone but not everything's within your control. Anyway, this person needs to know: News is seeping through, so get something done before history repeats!

i probably should not be telling her things. It was my mouth that got me into trouble.

Yea so everyday's kinda boring ever since i had nothing to do. Well i have something to do but i dont really know how to go about accomplishing it.

So losing someone isnt all that a big deal after all.

This has to end abruptly bcos im off to banging against the wall.

i wish i could be the one

i wish the night never took place

i wish things would go back as it used to be

i wish i cherished even more the time i had with

i wish we never got tangled this deeply

i wish i could forgive you like you did

i wish words could be taken back

i wish i love you



i wish you take care of yourself; stefanie

I was feeling rather happy today, but then i was feeling kinda sad too...

.

there were times when i thought i could do almost anything, then i think nobody does everything...

.

Sometimes i feel loved, some other times i feel empty.

.

My wallet was filled with notes and my mouth was smiling wide, then i went HaHa and thought to myself So What?







i guess thats the balance of life.

missingyou; yz




I am getting daring nowadays ;p


It came crashing to realise the album had everything settled in like a jigsaw puzzle, when the tracks completed pieces that fitted into my picture. It probably is a coincidence, but then it could be subconscious.

Sometimes I wonder how lucky i am to be where i am now, to have the adulation of millions (hee..). And how the most lucky i am to have my parents as my parents, the people around me to be around me. Well, and for the boy to be my boy. I wonder how many of his friends benefit from his presence like i do, I'm lucky to be able to love him.

And now.. :


I NEED A BREAK!


goot gawd..
am I greedy..




Till then, my dearest

i had been given different names for this short little 20 years breathing.

they include Xuan, Suan, Tausuan, Xuanie, Xuan Xuan, Carrot, etc.


The ones that mean most to me are Son, Brother, Friend, Darling, Bro, Soulmate, Jiemei.





Ultimate random.

Where art thou o Pegasus? ;abel


So I woke up this morning at 5 am.

The temperature's dropped many fareheits and it was freezing. Not a good start. I think about the many things I would rather be doing than travelling to the mountains.

Say,

A picnic at Central Park

A walk about the Bund

Going to that carnival on HK island

Making coffee

Talking to my sister

Painting a nude model or an apple whatever

Dancing to whatever's playing on the radio




See I am a downright lazy cosmopolitan ass. Imagine me in one of those olden times HK movies, it would be travesty. I need to get inspired. FAST.

It's just that, things can get pretty boring when you are doing the same things. You know there is SO MUCH MORE you can do, but how? One day I shall mount on my Pegasus and fly away.

quizzles. yea im sorry i forgot all about shutting this down. ha.


001. Last time you had butterflies in your stomach?
ehhhh... last week i suppose.

002. What did you dream about last night?
ah... i cant rmb la.

003. Who is the friend you can count on the most?
stef or leehom or eric or kelv

004. Where was your first kiss with your current love/interest?
lets not tok about it lol

006. What is something you've learned about yourself recently?
that im enlisting on the 7th of June.

007. Do you like anyone?
yepsy

008. Do you know anyone who is engaged?
erm... no. just married.

009. What's your favorite number?
23

010. Who was the last person to make you cry, and who was the last person to see you cry?
ahhh... stef. she made me cry and saw me cry and cried herself too.

011. Did you ever go to camp as a kid?
yabedabedoo

012. How many people of the opposite sex have you kissed?
u know those pecks on the cheeks...

013. What is one thing you miss about your past?
ehhhh... i miss people. but im pretty happy now.

015. Are you jealous of anyone?
yea. actually not.

016. Is anyone jealous of you?
i dunno.

017. Has a friend ever used you?
yeps

018. Has anyone recently told you that they like you as more than as a friend?
nopes.

019. Who was the last person you drove with?
i dont drive. last person i was in a car with was... my dad.

020. What are you looking forward to?
11th may. my trip. when she comes back. enlistment.

021. How are you today?
good good.

022. What were you doing at 12:00 this afternoon?
takin a dump.

023. Are you currently single?
yeps

024. How many things in your past do you regret?
ahhh...

025. Do you have a best friend?
ehhh... yea. stef. more than one. u noe who u are lah.

026. Have you ever kissed two people in one night?
u know my dad reads this. haha. but no.

027. Who was the last person you hugged?
stef. ya i noe her name appears all the time. she came back just, wad do u expect. lol.

028. Have you ever wanted someone but you knew you couldn't have them?
yeps

029. If you could change anything about your past, what would you change?
im onli twenty. i dont have a past.

030. Have you ever felt like killing somebody?
yeps. nah. haha.

031. Do you like your life?
im attracted to it.

032. Has one of your friends ever stabbed you in the back?
metaphorically, yes. actually, no.

033. Did you forgive them?
no.

034. Who is your best friend?
oh... ok so i hafta list now. fuck. yea stef. leehom. eric. kelv. gang. fuck im sorry if i missed u out.

035. Do you have more friends that are girls or boys?
boys

036. How long have you had blogger?
dun no

037. Has anyone ever cheated on you?
probably not. to my knowledge. and i wun wan to noe either. ha

038. Have you ever slapped a girl/boy in the face?
nopes

039. If so why?
mad.

040. What is one of your biggest fears of your life?
dying last.

041. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
yeps

042. Have you ever not been able to get someone out of your head?
yeps

043. Are you a player?
nopes. im a singer! oks not farnie.

045. Have you ever had a good feeling about something and it turned out you were right?
lol of course.

046. What's the largest age difference between yourself and someone you have dated?
ermmmmmmmmmm.... hahahahaha not that u will believe.

047. Have you ever dated/fooled around with a co-worker?
nopes

048. Are looks important?
yeps. face it. u wun date ms swan.

049. Does how many people a person has slept with affect the way you view them?
nopes. err maybe it depends.

050. Do you believe in love?
yeps yeps yeps. of course.

____________________________________________________


1. Who was the last person who made you smile last night?
stef

2. What were you doing at 8 this morning?
sleepin

3. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
this fuckin quiz

4. What is something that happened to you in 1995?
primary 2

5. What is the last thing you said aloud?
HAHAHA

6. How many different things did you drink today?
6 i guess.

7. What colour is your toothbrush?
blue

8. What was the last thing you bought?
dinner

9. What was the last gift you recieved for your birthday?
yikes. hell who rmbs. books i think.

10. What colour is your front door?
brown.

11. Where do you keep your change?
pocket. table.

12. What is the weather like today?
rain shine rain shine rain shine

13. What is the best ice-cream flavor?
i dun like ice creams

14. What is something you are excited about?
when she comes back

15. When was the last rainbow you saw?
wah... dunno leh

16. What size shoe do you wear?
12

17. Do you have a sister?
nopes

18. Are you very random?
hahaha... sometimes

19. Do you want to cut your hair?
yeps, and a hell lot of other people too

20. Are you over the age of 25?
nopes

21. Do you talk alot?
yeps. sometimes. most of the time. haha.

22. Do you watch The OC?
hehe

23. Does your screen name have an 'x' in it?
yeps

24. Do you know anyone called Steve?
nopes.

25. Do you make up your own words?
yeps... hahaha cant think of one now

26. Are you ticklish?
sometimes

27. Are you typically a jealous person?
nopes

28. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter 'B'
bangla. ben. la la lal al a.

29. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter 'L'.
leehom

30. Who's the 4th person on your missed calls list?
gen

31. What did the last text message you recieved say?
Haha... You also now then remember... Then how... When...

32. Who to torture?
End the fuck thing. if i knew its a torture i wouldnt start.

concluse;abel


It looks like this would pretty much be my last entry on this blog.

I am very glad things did not work out the way we wanted it to back then.

Don't postulate.

The boy is shutting down my only outlet to vent!

He is so evil.

Last but not least,

The boy is crazy!

He is cutting my hair!

I love the boy ;p

Isn't she pretty? =D

it is probably like seeking pastures new. i mean pple grow and of course change along the way. so certain objectives start to waver... this is part and parcel of life rite. its probably time to change things a little bit. perhaps it all shouldnt have started in the first place... it came out intending to maybe share a bit, voice out a bit, communicate a bit, well even showoff a tiny bit. then it started to end up in dire consequences. there were fishing of information, checking up on you, even demanding explanations of what you write, well and of course the unthinkable questioning of your credibility. so perhaps its time to put everything to an end. to seek pastures new... albeit hidden.

im starting to understand why some refuse to take part in these cyber activities. some see it right away, some like me have to get burnt before realising it. and it gets all the more tougher when ur dealing with privacy of the known.

thats human nature for you. and u cannot do anything about them. so change yourself... not to suit them but to cope with them.

ok... im abit shag now... plus abit of medication drowsiness... and im doin this for maybe the first time...


haha... i just want to tell her i love her a lot... and i mean freakin a lot. i havent been a very vocal person... u know when it comes to expressing my feelings, so im feeling pretty overwhelmed to be doin this. but ANYWAY,

i just want u to know that even though i always say ur very disgusting to write all the mushy mushy stuff on the blog and also the never-will-improve classifications on what to be done only with your boyfriend and not your best friend... i still cherish the fact that you have been and are still here after all these years. yea we have had our ups and downs... but still quite ok lah hor..

i know i am extremely LUCKY FORTUNATE to have u as a friend and i should be GRATEFUL THANKFUL all the time... yes i know ur surprised to noe that. i just somehow think this thing is not goin to turn out like how testimonialodetribute-like as i hope it turns out to be... so pardon me lah i am still learning...

walau... i typed and retyped and retyped i love you abel! over and over again. HA but i still don feel comfortable with that. not that its not ur real name... u don write write my name either so its fair yea...

and i am still very very peeved that u and cq paka to ignore me when it was my turn today... pls hor he was staring ALL THE TIME when i was still queing up. but yea... i noticed the extra symbol on the album... it was err ... yea .. sweet of you... hor...

going off soon... but yea im still happy youre back. at least for now. time to grow up... behave like people of ur age... yeps...

thats about it. stay pretty and cute... and don forget your smile! (yea i noe it will always be there) =)

LOVE

Love; abel



There isn't very much to be said about love. Just that it encompasses facets of me that were mysterious in so many ways. The reach of its glorious palm is nothing but for my individual's persistence.

Love has taken its toll on me, no doubt. But who says there's no more to it? My subscription has long been recorded and accounted for, there is no way i am getting out of it. I have known many friends through love. Some are still here, some not so visible. Regardless of which (facet), L is still glorious. Yeps while there are the occasional sleazy ones, there are also sacrificial balances.

I tend to seek a repeat of what i have already gone through. When i have something, i would want to make sure it is still there even if i wake up on the wrong side of bed next morning. So sometimes what's been missing from the equation is Time itself. I love my family. I absolutely love the person here who has kept me sane all these years. I love my mentors. I love everybody else that is appearing in my mind at this very moment. It takes time, sometimes a very long time.

So for now, let me treasure the people i have with me. When i've had enough of that, you might just get a look in your way then. ;)



p.s. in which no way this paragraph is depicting even the miniest of arrogance. smiles.

yeaa... eh i forgot to say my work's started for close to 2 weeks already. freakin fast...

and then i think its bcos of what i do... i think im not done with working for others just yet eh. it is like i havent really got my grasp of the entire working regime and i dun hav any idea how im goin to start givin others a working experience of my own. so yea... any entrepreneurship waits until im done with this. not just yet at the moment. ha.

let's choose to be inspirational... i think all of us should try to be inspirational whenever we do something. u know at least u inspire yourself and in the meantime maybe inspire others. but of course inspire yourself first. but then again... yea like how she's going to say... people simply think abit too much. you know when the answer's all written over the face, the neck, the hair and whatever parts of the body u can think of... people choose to look for the answers underneath... at the skull, the roots, the blood vessels... tsk you know what i mean again. like for example someone starts to ponder why he/she is in a relationship with the other person and comes up with the reason: he/she is gorgeous. but then they go on and start thinking... BUT HOR he/she got no money leh... and not very caring. then why am i still in this... then a lot of things start to happen snowball. it is because he/she is gorgeous what. thats it lah... thats the reason you are in this. very simply thats the reason and then fullstop. tsk... i noe this whole chunk is abit... incomprehensible.


HECK la... i know what im talking about can already.
i was given direct orders to do what i like in this not long but not very short time i have on earth.

thanks to ngak... he did everything he could to get put me through all the shit again. but its gone lah ah... people at most reminisce...

you know... im not saying anything. i just feel that maybe things could have turned out better if i hadn't behaved like how i used to.. or is still doing (i dont know). Yea... regrets fill my life. regrets FILL ME. though i seriously think its bullshit to say people should live with no regrets. like how the fuck is that possible. all you can do is to live the REST of your life with no regrets. BUT again... you won't ever know whether something is going to turn out to be a "regret" until its over do you...

so yea... girls are a parrt of life that you cant do without, but there are times when you dont want them. like they are so important its really a fuckin chore to incorporate them into your life. yea of course im talking about only certain girls... not ALL girls. thats abit overboard. and certain girls i don mean it in a bad way, i mean it in a good way like only the certain girls who are important to you... yea aiyah u get what i mean.

but

EHH my regrets arent all affairs of the heart la... i know i have plenty of that to reflect on. no Seriously. All the youth-y enthusiasm, they just became... well angst you might say. nothing came out of that. just pure space.

yea eric's right... i probably should start believing in what i want to do myself. why care about the complications of something you want to do, when u havent done it... life's not very long u know... and its not THAT short you cant get anything decent out of it.

whats up with the labels at the bottom man... like got title not enough meh??

anyways... just let me get this off my chest:

Jade Seah is friggin ultimate chio lah... LIKE u noe... just ultimate. yea maybe bcos i got to see her up close... but still she is after all the runnerup for MSU right...

walau i dun care lah somebody better arrange something so that i get to see her again. that time it was just the stupid screen lah... i onli got to look at her pimples for like 3 or 4 times only... ehh i supposed to teach her play game what, i cannot just stare at her face and teach right...






there you go...

abel;traum



what is wrong with these people?
They start the exaggeration, then they call it "loopholes".

Well, that's how it goes so we can't do anything about it can we?

Kennot.

and there i was thinking I was the smart alexis..
then again, at least everybody's safe home.

IT IS SOOO SOOO boring nowadays.

i think it is a precept to behave like a pig this year. i freakin dun get out, sleep, and then wake up to eat, and then sleep again. i am so busy with that i dun even have time for music!

i noe eric is going WALAU EHH again... Yea u knoe sometimes i just wonder how on earth in this kinda society can i even contemplate doing music for a living. i mean yea they seem all glamour on the outside and if ur the singer then ho sei liao...

but really. HOW?

who will not scold u for being Mr. Diao Er Lang Dang and Bu Wu Zheng Ye?
Where the fark are you going to get money so that u survive to get your first paycheck?

but then... if im not going to do what i like, which actually is whats happening all over singaporeans... then i do what sia?

abel;egyptian



hey yo!

I won 8 bucks the other day and was announcing that i am da king of gamblers. Then i lost a friggin 23 bucks to the stupid tau suan yesterday! pfft.. nevermind that i am supposed to be the QUEEN (not king) of gamblers.

i am pretty excited about the egypt trip. I hope i get to see the pretty symmetry in the pyramids, and maybe a little rendezvous with the scary mummies. I'll come back a necromancer!

haha.

I miss the boy and his tau suan already. More for his witty humour. And certainly most about the gaiety he creates. =)

我希望 相信世界有 奇蹟出現
我想要 我們的童話 不只是瞬間

我希望今後都能快樂 永不分離
但我上不去天堂 我不能夠陪你
不存在一種永恆 不相信世界有神

死亡是不是終點 會停止想念
不能再親吻你的臉 不管我有多懷念

我真的希望我們快樂 永不分離
只有你能上天堂 我到不了那裡
不存在一種永恆 不相信世界有神

死亡是不是終點 會停止想念
不能再親吻你的臉 不管我有多懷念

只要想念沒改變 不管多遠 我會在你心裡面

死亡是不是終點 會停止想念
不能再親吻你的臉 不管我有多懷念

死亡是不是終點 會停止想念
不能再親吻你的臉 不管我有多懷念



I wanna believe in all the miracles too
I wanna believe in all the fairy tales with you
I want the happy ever after
Really, I do
But how can that be, when I don't know if Heaven is true?

There is no eternity
For an atheist like me

When I die, is that the end?
I'll never see your face again baby

I want the happy ever after
I want it with you
But how can that be when I don't know if Heaven is true?

There is no eternity
For an atheist like me

When I die, is that the end?
I'll never see your face again baby

And if you should go without me,
Just promise me
That you will always be happy

And when I die is death the end?
I'll never see your face again baby

And when I die is death the end?
I'll never see your face again baby

abel;


Gosh.. I've been writing just like the boy who owns this page. Nonsensical is not me and i have no wish to let it commence.

I just need to welcome him to the big family. I am absolutely overjoyed! It isn't big at the moment, it will be soon. Welcome! =)

abel;resist


To embark on a new journey, it takes courage. Just like felice, i have you.

yikes. yea its been a long time since i started one with Yikes. i think im the only one who thoroughly (fark i spelt and re-spelt this word like ten times and i still find it weird) enjoys burning the midnight oil to do something. and also slacking and waiting for myself to feel the pressure of not starting on whatever that im supposed to do. yikes. again.

you know i was reading a blog and there was this part that the blogger wrote about herself. no names here but im sure she knows it herself. ha. yea so although i dont think she even needs me to be telling her anything because shes someone strong enough to live out of it. but you know i just want to get this off my chest lar! can or not... just let me say something LAH! so it is like... here it goes.

i think when somebody is born, the person is destined to go through great things. everybody is destined to go great things. yes i know being born in itself is already a great thing! but still how u live it determines whether it goes on to become great thingS. ok then it comes to the matter of god and all the celestial stuff. i mean if u believe in it then there's the theory of god giving trials to man so that man grows and etc etc which i dont really know the exact words christians use on their fellow christians or budhists or taoists or whatever religions there are.

just to sidetrack a bit, u know i dont really believe in it. but being the ass that i am, i always try to pray to god when i need something. not exactly major stuff, just minor stuff like u know waiting damn long for a cab and getting kinda desperate for it... then right after closing of eyes and appealing to god the little blue bright spot appears from a distance. i get shocked but forgets about it after a while.

yeaps so anyways... put it in whatever way your life has taught you so far, we are born to achieve things. some people have the going tough some have it relatively easy from the start, but they are still destined for great things. when everything comes to an end and you are on your deathbed (yes, cliched), some say you look back at your life and rmb the things you have done. HECK! as if u can remember the so many things you have done. it merely is how u feel about yourself at that moment what... and it probably is how u lived your whole life that gives you what you feel about yourself.

so living your life and taking all thats thrown at you is nothing easy, i know. but living through it all and being on the right path to greatness is what we were born to do. those who have it tough from the start has been given a headstart compared to the others. they would have gone through so much more than those who have it easy at the start. and if you believe in god, that he has known that you have much more strength to be able to cope with things right from the beginning. yea sometimes its really tough to see things going against you when everything's so perfect for the others... well thats the way it is and when you have gone through everything, you dont even need a pat on the back... you already know it yourself you have done well. and then next time something gets tough for you... whine a little bit, HAaaaaahh... then right after that you know thats not a big deal for yourself at all.



yea thats all. freak. i know i like to do all these things and i know i shouldnt. i am turning into a bloody old preaching man. so light stuff now... and u know for me light stuff means irrelevant stuff.

abel seemed prettier than ever today. i think its botox. =) and i still have 6 chapters to go with 5 hours left. thats not so bad lah... i dun have money to go seoul garden tmr... i feel like writing songs right now. irrelevant irrelevant random random.



eh if i get through this then i really damn power. so what if you are rich and handsome and coveted? ha! i am better than you. woo this is so exciting.

ha mr jj was askin abt my blog so i went back to have a look... and then i freaking missed writing like i used to. u know like writing like the way i am now and not scribbling some shit that nobody understands like i am talking to myself and i have all the facts known and just writes something irrelevant altogether. whatever it is... i think blogs are still wonderful despite all the stupid stuff said about them. it really is a diary... albeit public. (yea i was still thinking its a wonderful creation until jj starts his non-stop interrogation about everything's that on the blog)

so i suddenly miss abel very much... and realised how she is the only person i keep mentioning on the blog. u read the other blogs and they mention non-stop BLG. yes im so sorryyyyyy. now i'll mention all over to make up for the lost counts...


BLG BLG BLG BLG LBG BLG BGL BLG BLG BLG BLG BLG BLGB BLG LBG LBG BLG BLG


hahaha. yea mistakes but forgivable. school's over. one more paper and thats it. no more meeting people in school. that sucks. lets leave all the reminiscing till next time. but pple do change dun they... from diff stages of their lives... like how abel slowly changed from her atheism. how miss kiwi change herself ALL THE TIME. and etc etc... lots and lots of changes. but some little catalyst goes hiding in your memories. it could be a song, a voice, a visual scene or even a scent... it triggers you to go all the way back to that point of time in history (ha! thats a big word i know)... to experience the emotions or the endearment of something or even the hankering for love (or how abel always like to say amore!)...

anyways time's up. back to mugging... YA RITE.

u just cant relate to "Her remains"... and a contract

you know life just comes crashing unpredictable when everything was just going on fine.


i asked Eh you going back for the final day?
she said No. i dont want to see life torturing everybody else too.



.dub.

haha...haha...ha...hahaha...hahahahaha...ha...haha

thr's been some cool shit goin on in my life. it is so cool...
i am freezing.

i want you i want you i want you

she's mine

whatever it is... no point getting all gloomy. So i should be feeling all relaxed since everything's over isnt it?


I AM THE HAPPY ONE... LA LA LA LA LA--- LA LA LA LA!

hahahaha lol thats supposed to go by the tune of some xmas carol i forgot the name
tis the season to be jolly... lalalalalalalalala

2007 marks the end of poly and a host of problems. at least it seems so now. maybe i shud be more focused. what else is there to believe in life other than music?! : )

wahhhh... i miss abel!! funny how i have to catch up on her through this blog just like everybody else. still its good to read that everything's ok.

the sun has set and darkness engulfs. i dont mean anything and i jolly well have to agree i made the best choice. Just hang on for awhile, you'll get over it. i'm very sure of that. fuck i really should not be doing this.

Hallucinations. you know what... ironically thats the word to describe everything thats been going on around. maybe everything was a farce, maybe there was no relationship at all, maybe just maybe i do not even exist at all for christ's sake.



people have to learn to back off. absolutely. that includes me, them and you.
just bug off man... some kinda PI or something? you know it speaks a lot for how they see you.

abel; abelish



My my... it's been awhile.

Haven't written anything just yet to match this boy's fanciful intrusion of the human mind. I can write something abelish though. =)

It's been awhile since we had our usual gathering and reflecting on our past year's accomplishments. I didn't have that much to say this time round, though i thought the aftermath was essential. Let's leave the heavy matters to the boy who also owns this page...

The initial excitement of playing wooden blocks of tic tac toe wore off after 4 rounds. I hope the person who got my thermal flask would find more mileage than 3 minutes.
How was Christmas for the rest of you? Merry? Uneventful?

that day on msn, a friend whom i've not met for months asked the customary "How are you?". Such a simple question. But i felt a little stumped.
Things ARE ok. Sometimes it just takes some time to realise that.

Time flies, with this tremendous pair of wings; just like the eagle. It cuts through you so finely, you dont know how it happened. So people do grow up don't they... you start thinking about something and then after a while you realise Hey i am getting mature man... Sa Crap.

Ups and downs... Lefts and rights... c'mon seriously, nobody likes making decisions with results they are unsure of. why am i any different... when i do not know what's going to happen, i take the step that i know will make some other being happy. that's the very least i can do isn't it? So now i just want her to be happy... dosen't it look simple enough.




Miss elynn koh is somebody i have mistaken about, a person i have the utmost gratitude for. Sometimes it just gets cloudy and all, regardlessly;

she just deserves to be happy. simple as that.